Overcoming Hate

Democracy Newsletter: June 2024

By Steve Zolno

Our group has been meeting to discuss democracy and related subjects since 2006 and I have been publishing this Newsletter since 2017. I also have written seven books.

Through it all I have been promoting one essential idea: democracy — and our civilization — only can succeed when people commit to action based on a common vision. We have worked to clarify that vision for the entire time our group has been in existence, but it seems to me that most people remain focused on what is wrong with others and the world rather than being willing to identify and move toward what would make it work. Recent research confirms that view. [1]
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This is why we are caught in nearly perpetual war, going back to prehistoric times. But when we come from a view of connection with others — or “love” if I can use that word — as we usually do with our families and close friends, we work things out, or at least decide to live with each other in peace.
 
Clarifying a vision and having the commitment to follow through on it are two different things. The US founders stated their vision of “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” but once they won their independence the country struggled for ten years before establishing a Constitution that embodied what they meant. Since then our country has floundered in establishing how “government by and for the people” actually looks.
 
Despite the common view that our crises are larger and more significant than those of the past, the challenges we face remain the same. They are based mainly on how we see others and the world rather than reality itself.
 
As Einstein taught us, and as repeated by many scientists and philosophers since, our perspective on “reality” is limited: we only have our view of things. By discussing our views — and respecting others and those expressing them — we come closer to a common understanding. Truth ultimately is much larger than our limited minds can fathom. But rather than leaving us mired in pessimism, this understanding can lead to profound respect for everything and everyone, including ourselves.

A few lessons I have learned in my study and interactions with many of you over the years:

1. We begin with a feeling of connection and openness to others and the world and long to return to that feeling. Many sources confirm that view and a few are cited below. [2] [3] [4] [5]
2. People or circumstances cannot bring us the feeling we seek; we restore it to ourselves when open to it.
3. When we hate, we bring ourselves an experience of hate regardless of its effect on others. When we allow ourselves a feeling of connection — or love — we bring that into our lives and interactions.
4. No concept or spiritual practice or words — including these words — can reliably bring us the feeling of connection we seek. Only an openness to experiencing that feeling brings it to us.
5. We may think our problems will be solved when rid of a difficult person or situation. But after we achieve that another problem takes its place. Our chronic dissatisfaction is based on a continual focus on what is wrong. If everything — and everyone — were exactly as we want them to be, we would focus again on what is missing. We move past this by cultivating a feeling of appreciation that we bring into our interactions.
6. Democracy ultimately is about valuing every human being, as we all are “created equal.” The first step is freeing ourselves from self-judgment. Then we bring the feeling of valuing others into our personal interactions. Then we bring it into our work with groups toward mutual goals. Then we bring that feeling to acting with love for our nation and everyone in it. Then we bring it into our interactions with the world and all its inhabitants. And finally we acknowledge our place in the ever-changing universe.

 
Which brings us to consciousness, which simply is observation. This allows us to make decisions based more on reality than just reacting to stimuli, as all creatures — including humans — have done as long as we have been on Earth. Thus we always have a choice whether to act based on greater consciousness — which includes seeing others more clearly and opening to their humanity — or remaining in our reactive state based on prejudgments.
 
We are talking about a paradigm where we create our own experience by how we see the world rather than just being victims of circumstance. When we provide empathy and understanding for others we bring those qualities to ourselves.

But doing this takes commitment — at least in my case and maybe also yours. This is the theme of my new book, What Love Does. My real interest is not in selling books, but promoting the idea that the only hope for our planet — and its inhabitants — is focusing on identifying and moving together in concert with our long-term interests, which include recognizing the validity of every human being.
 
Our next discussion will focus on Chapter I of the book, “The Self,” but if we are to continue our meetings I need to know if there is enough interest, so if planning to attend please email me by June 10 at [email protected]. If anyone can’t afford the book I will send you a copy. The meeting this month will be on June 17 at 7PM Pacific Time. I will send out the meeting link before that date to those who have stated they want to attend.

My future may include one more book and possibly a podcast if I can figure out what that is and how to do it. At present my intent is to embark on my annual birthday journey — or “vision quest” — so you might want to keep your locks secured in case I show up on your doorstep.
 
Thanks for listening, and I’ll see you out there. — Steve

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NOTES

​[1] “If you ask an American when times were worst, the most commons response will be ‘right now.’” See “When America was ‘great’ according to the data,” Washington Post, May 24, 2024.
 
[2] In his later writings, Freud moved beyond his view of sexuality as the key human motivating factor to the alienation of people from their original sense of self: “Originally the ego includes everything, later it detaches itself from the external world.” Civilization and Its Discontents, Sigmund Freud, Page 12. First published in 1930; 2011 version by Martino Publishing.
 
[3] Research shows that, despite our idea of being separate selves, we can share what is in the minds of others: “Neural mirroring solves the ‘problem of other minds’ (how we can access and understand the minds of others) and makes intersubjectivity possible, thus facilitating social behavior.” From the article “Imitation, empathy, and mirror neurons,” Annual Review of Psychology, 2009, 60:653-70.
 
[4] Many studies show that infants have natural empathy and respond to stimuli as if there were no barriers between them and others. See, for example, “The relationship between maternal and infant empathy: The mediating role of responsive parenting,” Frontiers in Psychology 2022; 13: 1061551.
 
[5] In many Eastern religions the real self is the universal presence that continually flows through us. Bhagavad Gita, 2-20: “The Self, which dwells in the body of everyone, is eternal and can never be slain.”

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Steve Zolno graduated from Shimer College with a bachelor’s degree in social sciences and holds a master’s in educational psychology from Sonoma State University. Steve has founded and directed private schools and a health care agency in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is the author of seven books.

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Visit our Books page for information about purchasing The Future of Democracy, The Death of Democracy, Truth and Democracy, Guide to Living In a Democracy, Everyday Spirituality for Everyone, The Pursuit of Happiness, and What Love Does.
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